To those that routinely check this blog for updates, I apologize. I wish I could give a magic answer or explanation of things lately, but I can't. And if I could, I wouldn't need to explain anything to begin with.
However, I have not given up or thrown in the towel. I still stand by the new blog name of Freedom Running. The name does not exist to represent what I have, but what I want and what I'm looking for. Eventually, that will change, but for now, it is about what I want.
Speaking of what I want… One thing that has been on my mind lately is just that….what do I REALLY want? I mean, that deep down, close my eyes and SEE in my minds eye want. So many of us have talked about what we want to do or plan to do, even to the point of speaking as if it has already happened long before the chance to be so, only to never see it happen. But when it come to what I really want, I think there are two things in this area where I struggle.
First, I don't have a good picture of what I really want. When it comes to weight, health and running, close your eyes and picture what the perfect you (the goal you, the best you that you can imagine) looks like. And I don't mean a "Hollywood/Supermodel" you, I mean the you where you are exactly where you need to be. Lean. Fit. In shape. With a health body fat %, etc. For me, doing what I just suggested is nearly impossible. It is somewhat because I don't have a tangible image to go by (I've never been anywhere near a healthy weight, etc), it is purely my imagination. But I believe what really makes it so hard is the second half of the puzzle.
Second, I don't allow myself the freedom (and possibly the permission) to believe that I could ever become that perfect me. The lies take over, and work to squash any hope of reaching that goal.
"I've always been fat, always will be."
"I'm not worth fighting for."
"Who cares if I'm fat or fit?"
"What is the point of trying if you know you will never win?
The list can go on forever, but in the end they are lies. When I can see them for the lies they are, only then can I begin to have the freedom to see the perfect, goal me. Once that happens, then everyday becomes an opportunity to take one step towards that goal.
Again, I write the words, not as the steps taken to what I have, but as a part of the path to what I want. They may be worth nothing, or they may open the right door at the right time. Do you see yourself in these words?
Till Next Time...Take Care!!!
Glad that you're still fighting to get to what you want/need.
I too have been struggling with my weight and diet and I know it's on me to figure out myself and how I am worth something.
Keep working on it. I hope it falls in to place for you!
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